THAK GAYA HOON

(voice shaking, teary-eyed, broken yet trying to stay strong) Mujhe samajh nahi aata maine galat kya kiya hai... sach mein... Ek taraf maa hai—jinhone mujhe paida kiya, paala, har mod pe sambhala... aur doosri taraf meri patni—jiske saath maine ek naya jeevan shuru kiya, jise maine wada kiya ki har khushi dunga, har dard se bachaunga. Lekin... main dono ke beech mein pis gaya hoon. Main har roz koshish karta hoon... maa ke saath waqt bitaun, unki pasand ka khayal rakhu, unka maan bana rahe... Aur patni ko bhi wohi pyaar du, samjhu uske emotions ko, uska support banu... Par phir bhi, kisi na kisi ko takleef ho jaati hai. Kabhi maa kehti hain, "Shaadi ke baad tu badal gaya hai..." Aur kabhi meri biwi roti hai ki "Tum kabhi mere liye stand kyun nahi lete?" Main kis ke liye ladun? Aur Kis se ladu ? Maa se ? Ya usse jisse main jeevan bhar ka saath nibhane ka vaada kar chuka hoon har phere pe ek vachan de chuka hoon ? Main bas ek normal zindagi jeena chahta hoon... jahan dono khush ho, dono ek doosre ko samjhein... Par har din ek jang ban gaya hai. Mujhe guilt feel hota hai jab maa chup ho jaati hain... Aur dil tut jaata hai jab meri biwi raat ko muh mod ke soti hai... Main akela pad gaya hoon... ek aisi ladaai mein jiska main hissa bar bar ban jata hu na chahte hue bhi ... Kya main bas itna hi kar sakta hoon? Kya mera pyaar, meri koshishen, meri loyalty... kisi ke liye kuch bhi nahi? Main sirf itna hi poochhna chahta hoon—Mujhe kyun har waqt beech mein khada kar diya jaata hai? Mujhe koi toh bataye, main kya karun... Main kis tarah dono ko khush rakhun bina khud ke tukde-tukde kiye? Har raat yehi sochta hoon... Kya ek beta hone ki saza yeh hai? Ya ek pati hone ki zimmedari sirf compromise hai? Main thak gaya hoon... Main bas itna chahta hoon... thoda samajh, thoda pyaar... aur thoda sa sukoon. Kya main zyada maang raha hoon?